Day three: November 25, 2011

Day three is turning out to be so much better. I don't fill so empty. Your aunts took me shopping last night. It really helped me. Your aunts and cousins are like the sun they help me feel warmth I wasn't sure I'd feel again. They are mourning for you and are so very worried about me. Your puppy brothers keep looking for you and want to know why mommy and daddy are crying all the time. Your 5 year old cousin Rylee has been the healer of my soul. I can tell her things and she processes them in a way no one else can. She is helping me grieve for you like no one else. Today she told me that God told her that everything was going to be OK. She also told me about this dream where you were standing with God smiling down at us. Her mama thought I wouldn't want to be around her or your baby cousin Reagan because you are in heaven now. But now she sees that I love Rylee more now because she helps me see things a little clearer. Reagan makes me laugh because she is just ornery. She helps me think of you in the best way possible--innocent and happy. She is helping me process your grief. She is showing me that you are with God helping him look over us. One day when you and God decide that we are ready. You will bless us with another baby. I love you DJ so so much.